Wild Oat, Autumn plant allies

So I was supposed to write a story about my first plant ally, and how it got me into herbs this week. I'm behind, working full time and going to school doesn't leave me much time for me. But alas, i think the thing that brought me into herbalism and plant love orginally was "The Clan of teh Cave Bear." Yeah, I wanted to be Ayla, and wanted to use wild plants for food and medicine. The idea of being able to find food out in the wild fascinated me. So I bought a big plant book when I was 12, and in the backyard began to identify plants. Yarrow was one of the first ones I learned and used. I was getting ready to go a on ski trip with my family one winter, but woke up with a horrible sore throat, the worst I had ever experienced. So I went into my book and looked up sore throat. It said sage. So I went in the backyard and picked some sage brush, winter frozen it was, but still bitter and effective ( not salvia sage mind you, which was what the book said) and then some dried yarrow I had picked earlier in the year. I made a bitter bitter tasting brew of the two plants, and drank it down with honey. Lo and behold, it worked! and I was converted. I saw yarrow all over from then on, and it is still one of my very favorite plant friends, for medicine, and for just being with.

On other notes, every morning I drive to work about 20 minutes, and I look up at the spine of rocky peaks, now becoming snow covered, a little more every day, and each day the colors of the trees change just a little bit. First the yellow cottonwoods and ash trees, and now the oaks are JUST started to turn red in spots. Staghorn sumachs are also going bright red in the neighboorhoods, and there is some tree that is a mix of purple, red, yellow, green. Quite lovely indeed.

The inane monotony of work is driving me batty, and though I enjoy being in school, I've yet to have a single client in the clinic, and wonder if I'm wasting my time, energy an money. Granted I'd MUCH rather sit inthe clinic all day and look at plant books andmake handouts all day than work at my day job. BUt what am I doing all this for?

I started taking wild oat flower essense. In the Bach FE repetoire, it is for helping one finds one's calling and path. One day I took it, and it was clear to me that my true calling is NOT living in this city, working in this job, barely scraping by. Kiva said it well on her blog post about working with the plants growing around her. That also is my calling, being with plants, making medicine, wandering wildnerness nd living close to the earth. Is clinical herbalism even useful to me? Should I be bothering with this? I felt like I needed to offer something back to people as a service, but how can I be of service to others if I dont first serve myself, and my needs and calling.
I don't even know how to get out of this, even if I wanted to. I'm broke,can't buy a van to live in, unless it was on credit. My credit is outrageously out of control at the moment, with no hope of getting under control at the rate of my earning capacity.

If I plan to live in the Alaskan bush, I'll never open a public clinic like this. So why do I sit here, spending money to sit in a room full of herbs in jars, and not even using them? I'm sick of my life the way it is...it needs to change...but unless I do something drastic, by choice on purpose, I'm here, in this rut, for 9 months. (Months of work, school and monotony.)

So anywya, the wild oat flower essence worked, in one day. I know my path isn't here, and it isn't like this ....its something wilder, more organic, more free....but I think I'll need some other flower essences, or strength to make a decision, to decide what to do about it. I want to leave, but I dont want to quit school. If all I did was school, then it would be better. But i have to work as well. I think scleranthus and walnut might be helpful here. Am I just too chicken and proud to quit this? What would I do, where would I go anyway? SHould I quit? Is it worth it to stay and have the piece of paper that says i'm a nutritionist/herbalist? Does that matter? Does it matter if I were to stay in societey ( am I just covering my ass in case my dreams dont come true?) What purpose will it serve me on my true path/calling/hearts desire?

Just make a decision and live with it. That 's what I told Darin this morning about work....I need to do the same.