What Autism has done for me

by: Brandee Malcolm

I know that many people will read the title of this article and think this is going to be a depressing story of one family’s journey with Autism. I hope that after you read this article you will think differently. I am not an overly religious person, I believe that god is there and he helps us along the way in our journey. I feel that god has definitely been there in my journey with autism.  My son was diagnosed with Autism; two months shy of his third birthday. I like many other mothers of special needs children have been faced mourning the child they thought they had.  I began our family’s journey with autism full force determined to bring my loss child back into the world of living.

My son entered speech, developmental therapy and occupational therapy services. I gained two wonderful friendships with two of his therapists. I still keep in contact with them today even though that was six years ago. My son entered preschool and with apprehension I let him go with tears in my eyes and fear in my heart.  We were blessed to have such a wonderful preschool program and once again gained wonderful caring friendships.  I do believe that god works in wonderful ways, and although at first I admit that I blamed god for giving me such a burden. I quickly learned that Autism gave me the insight to some beautiful friendships that have bloomed. I have the most amazing friends.

My son enters different stages of his life and along the way I am learning just as much as he is. My son’s autism led me to be a mentor mom to other families who happen to be entering the beginning stages of this autistic challenge.  I have grown so much as not only a mother but also as a woman. I have learned not to judge someone based on appearance. I have learned that quite honestly that no matter what you imagine life may be it is never perfect.  I have learned that mothers no matter what situation they are faced with respect and care for one another.

My biggest testament to gods hand in my journey with autism is the fact that at one point four different mothers were led to our mothers meeting, and come to find out all four of us had children with autism. I am friends with these women, I have cried with them, I have been a shoulder to cry on and I have listened. I am so thankful to god for bringing me these wonderful friendships that have made my journey so much easier.  

Autism   may not be what one family wishes for but I have made the best of our situation and I am glad I did it has made me the strong and intelligent mother and woman that I am today.  Why am I telling you this you may ask? Don’t let Autism be a burden in your life let it be a journey with a magnificent outcome.

Brandee Malcolm is a stay at home mom to her three children. In her spare time she enjoys writing, scrapbooking, stamping and spending time with her husband and children.  www.momsecond.blogspot.com

A Mother's Secret

A Mother’s SecretI write this today and it is hard because I am not one to let people in on my own emotions. I have to emphasize how much I love my son and am so proud of his every accomplishment.

I am writing this to let other mothers of autistic or special needs children know that it is ok to not always feel ok about the situation that was given to you. I know as mothers we are supposed to be strong and not give into the pity party that you so want to throw for yourself, complete with a bottle of wine.

Today I am letting you all in on my secret I am sad, and fearful and somewhat always in mourning for the way things were supposed to be. It hurts me that my child has to work harder than other children. It hurts me that society does not always understand that this child that I love and protect won’t do the same. Today I want to stay in bed and never come out; I don’t want to make the hundredth phone call to the school to make certain they know something very simple that other children would just be able to explain. I cry sometimes after everyone else has gone to bed. I blame myself at times for the way things turned it out, it was a difficult pregnancy. I like everyone else want everyone to think that I am strong and can carry on with what was given to me. I am a mother and I am only human. We are all mothers and are only human it is ok to be sad. And then tomorrow it is another day this is for smiles and hugs and accomplishments.

Brandee is a stay at home mom to three kids. She enjoys writing, scrapbooking,stamping and of course spending time with her husband and children.

www.momsecond.blogspot.com

Celebrations that change a negative to a positive

Last week while setting the table  I placed the "You are special" plate on the kitchen table where child #4 sits each night for dinner.  No-one knew what we were celebrating it wasn't his birthday,  he did not receive any awards this week at boy scouts,  no school papers, report cards or progress reports had came home in his back pack and he did not just perform some sort of heroic act.  So, why the "You Are Special " plate?

It all begin about a year ago when we realized our puzzle boy was entering the 5th grade - still years behind his peers academically, socially and emotionally. Yet he was about to begin his last year of elementary school, 12 months away from entering  Middle School. You remember that place don't you?  where suddenly you no longer say "let's play after school",  you now have to say "let's hang out", you no longer carry a lunch pail you have to carry brown paper bags, you leave behind the LEGOs, action figures and match box cars in exchange for iPODS and cell phones. ah, yes Middle School.

This realization hit us with questioning was our son ready to face the Middle School world, would he find success there, would he fit in, would he survive?  With the many challenges our puzzle boy has faced along his elementary journey we began to evaluate the what if's - what if we held him back, what if we gave him one more year to mature, one more year to improve his academics, one more year to build a stronger support of friends while in elementary school, what if we didn't push him ahead just because that is what is expected?

Moving from our what if's to making a request to our school to hold our son back in the 5th grade became a reality for us and we gathered together with the team of teachers and administrators that make these decisions in our local school. After sharing our concerns and reasons, they then took a few weeks to evaluate our request and this week the letter arrived - Yes our request was granted and our son will return to the 5th grade come fall 2011 - He will be given the opportunity to grow academically, emotionally and socially one more year before he wonders the halls of Middle School.

By now you might have guessed what we celebrated that night or maybe you are wondering why a family would celebrate this decision in their child's life.  In the Novotny  home we have learned to celebrate each child's accomplishments, highs, successes and events individually and this week we decided to celebrate that our son was ACCEPTED to remain at his local elementary school.  Maybe to others it might not seem like something to celebrate but we believe that is where a difference can be made in the out come.  Celebrating this news in our home gave our son the confidence that this was a positive decision for his school journey.

By creating a celebration we took what may have been a negative situation to most and turned it into a positive moment for our child - with siblings cheering him on to returning for another year of elementary school.

5 things you should know about autism

Autism is becoming more prevalent in today’s day and age. Yet there are still so many unknowns and so many people who do not understand autism. As a mother of a child with autism, here are 5 key things that I think everyone should know about autism.

1~ Not all children with autism are created equal.

Just as typically developing children can vary depending on their personality, genetics, and environment, the same holds true for children with autism. It is called a spectrum disorder because there are so many variances in each individual. Keep in mind that there are different categories under the autism umbrella (classic autism, Asperger's Syndrome, high functioning autism and PDD-NOS) and each one has their own strengths and weaknesses. Each child with autism looks different.



2~ Autism can be treated, but there is not a cure. Please do not lump all parents into the same group as those that think their children can be cured. However, we will do everything we can that may possibly give some relief to our child. There are so many different things out there that can help some of the symptoms of autism. They will not cure autism, but they may help lessen the symptoms so that the child can be helped and they can learn coping skills.



3~ Not all children with autism are "brats" and not all "brats" have autism. Suppose you are at the mall and you see a child, approximately 8-10 years old throwing a fit. He is screaming, crying, and refusing to be reasoned with. What do you immediately think? Do you assume that the that kid is a downright brat and he just needs some consistent discipline and structure? Yes, I know that there are kids out there that will be in this scenario where they are just a downright brat. But keep in mind that meltdowns like that are common for a child with autism. Do not judge the parents of the child when you do not know the entire story. Things are not always as they appear.



4~ Parents of children with autism need to not be judged. Every day is a struggle. Every day is a battle. Every day has different obstacles to overcome. Keep in mind that children with autism often put their best behavior forward when they are around others and out in public. It takes everything in them to follow the social rules and to behave accordingly. Once they get home, where they feel safe and comfortable, their self-control often diminishes and their family receives the brunt of the release. Do not doubt a parent about how bad it can be because you may not always be privy to those behaviors.



5~ All families living with autism need help and support. Even those families that have a child with high functioning autism or Aspergers. Children with classic autism have obvious needs, while those with high functioning and AS have needs that you cannot always see. Every family who has a child with autism needs non-judgmental support and the occasional shoulder to cry on. Being the parent of a child with autism is tough, no matter what end of the spectrum they fall on.

Do you know a family affected by autism?

Are there any myths or ideas that you think other should know about autism?

Do you have any questions concerning autism or how to support a family coping with autism?

This post was brought to you from Missy over at Are you there God? It’s Me. I am a stay-at-home mom to a 6 year old, 4 year old and 1 year old. I am a homeschooling, cloth diapering momma, who discusses everything; parenting and motherhood, coupons and recipes, religion and spirituality, saving money, and autism. Through all of that, I am seeking to find God in the everyday moments of my life.