Marriage Strengthing Test

 by Leslie Pleasants

Do you ever feel like you and your husband have grown apart?  Your kids have come between the two of you.   Those times when you were able to just sit and chat together don't happen that often... and if they do its about money or the kids.   There seems to be more bickering then complimenting.  It can happen when you let life stress you out.  You and your husband need to remember the importance of the two of you.  Without the two of you your family would crumble apart. 

Take the TEST  it is so simple and fun!  It is a Marriage

Strengthening Test that you and your husband fill out on your own time.  Then make a time together.... maybe a date night... or even just laying in bed.   Go over your answers together.  Some of them can be silly but it gets you both talking together.  You might have been making your husband a ham sandwich for 10 years now and in reality his favorite sandwich is turkey and he just never told you.  :)   It's all about communication.  Have fun with it!! 

Click here to print your Marriage Strengthening Test

"I do" the beginning of the end - Marraige New Years Resoulutions

Winnie the Pooh once said “If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you.” I realize he is only a cute little bear and he was probably telling this to Piglet but this quote happens to be one of my favorites when it comes to my marriage.

You see the day I said "I do" was the beginning of the end. The beginning of a lifetime journey as a wife and becoming Mrs. Stephen Ray Novotny and the end to a selfish life of my own. I was now committed to the marriage vows I took before those seated in the pews at my wedding celebration, before God and before the man I was committing to have and to hold from that day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from that day forward until death do us part.

2011 marks the beginning of our 25th year of marriage, we will celebrate December 6th, 25 years of marriage - looking back I will be honest and say it has been harder than we dreamed but the adventure has been worth every moment, every risk, every up and every down. We have grown stronger, closer and I can not imagine life without him.

As I enter 2011 I have made my list of marriage News Year resolutions and want to challenge you to make your own list.

My 2011 Marriage New Years resolutions:

1. Have a servants heart towards my husband.

2. Date my husband on a weekly basis even if it is just a long walk or out for an ice cream.

3. Encourage him in verbal words, notes, emails and Text messages ( yes, he is a cool tech geek).

4. Pray together on a consistent basis ( daily would be my goal)

5. Read 2 new marriage books to continue to build my marriage stronger.

6. Say " I love you" more often, you can never say it enough.

Getting Ready For CHRISTmas

from: www.marriagemissions.com

How ready are you for Christmas? What about within your heart? When you're with others, do they see Christ? How about within your marriage? Do you interact with your spouse in such a way that others, including your spouse, is given the opportunity to see God at work (without your blocking the way)? Are you communicating the Gospel of Jesus Christ with AND without words? Do others (including your spouse) experience the grace of God while they're with you?

To further consider these questions, we hope the following poem by an unknown author, which we adapted for this Marriage Message, will speak to your heart as it has ours:

"Ready for Christmas!" she said with a sigh,
As she gave a last touch to the gifts piled high;
Then wearily sat for a moment and read
till soon, and very soon, she was nodding her head.

Then quickly spoke a voice in her dream,
"Ready for Christmas? What do you mean?
Ready for CHRIST, when only this week
not one nice thing to your spouse did you speak."

"Ready for Christmas while holding a grudge?
Why, how can the CHRIST-CHILD come and abide
in a heart that is selfish and filled with pride?

"Ready for Christmas, when only today
your spouse needed love and you turned him away
without even a smile to show that you cared?
The little he asked--it could have been spared.
Ready for Christmas, your circle's too small
why, you are not ready for Christmas at all!"

She awoke with a start, and a cry of despair,
"There's so little time I have to prepare!
"Oh Father, forgive me; I see what you mean.
To be ready means more
than a house that's swept clean."

Yes, more than the giving of gifts and a tree,
it's the heart swept clean that HE wants to see;
a heart that is free from bitterness and sin,
ready for Christmas--and ready for HIM!
......................................

Think about whether you're truly ready for Christmas. If you have bitterness in your heart, you aren't ready. If you have self-centeredness in your attitude, you aren't ready.

It tells us in the Bible that we're to have the same attitude "as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death--even death on a cross." (Philippians 2:5-8) Do you have this same attitude?

The greatest gift you can give your spouse and everyone you are with this Christmas (and throughout the year) is giving them the gift of the Love of Christ. If you don't know Him in a personal way, there is an Internet site we encourage you to to visit: www.needhim.com. It will help you to know the ONE who is the REAL reason for this season, and every other day there-after.

In closing, we'd like to leave you with the following words from "The Message" by Eugene Peterson who gives us a paraphrase from the Bible in Ephesians 5. We can assure you and your spouse if you put these words into practice you will give each other THE BEST possible gift for your marriage:

"Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent [deeply respectful] to one another. Wives, understand and support your husband in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not domineering but cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership wives should likewise submit to their husbands.

"Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church--a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor--since they're already 'one' in marriage.

"No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That's how Christ treats us, the church, since we are a part of his body. And this is why a man leaves his father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become 'one flesh.' This is a huge mystery, and I don't pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband."

During the season of remembrance of the birth of Jesus Christ, and from this day forward, we encourage you to remember to give each other the gift of loving and honoring each other "as unto the Lord." These gifts will bless not only your hearts, but God's as well! (And just so you know, we put links to some fun Christmas puzzles and quizzes on the Home Page of our web site at www.marriagemissions.com, as well as an added link in this Marriage Message that gives suggested "Gifts from the Heart" you can give loved ones).

Have a truly blessed Christmas!
Steve and Cindy Wright

P.S. If you think of others who may benefit from these free weekly messages, please tell your friends and encourage them to subscribe. They can go to the web site marriagemissions.com, click on “Subscribe” and fill in the necessary information. Every week they add new articles, and others add helpful comments to the web site, so return often. If you don’t have access to the Internet, send an email to subscribe@marriagemissions.com with “Subscribe” in the subject line.

Too Tired for Intimacy?

by: Sheila Wray Gregoire
www.ToLoveHonorandVacuum.com

Most women think sex is absolutely fine. But so's chocolate, and it requires a lot less effort, a lot less time, and sometimes it's more satisfying.

That's a problem, because even if you're absolutely exhausted, a marriage can't stay strong if you're not connecting. Yet 25% of moms with kids at home report being way too tired to have sex on a regular basis. I'm actually surprised it's not a little higher! When my second daughter was born, she decided that sleep was highly overrated, and so most of my nights were spent trying to convince her to settle into her crib. I was so desperate to get at least 6 hours a night (even if it was broken up), that sex was far down on my priority list. It didn't mean we weren't intimate; it's just that I was far more attuned to my need for sleep than I was my need for sex.

When you're that exhausted, how do you get to the point where you are actually available to yourself and to your husband, both with time and energy? So many things demand our attention and our energy during the day that it's just difficult to be available at night. We all have internal batteries that need to be replenished. And too often we drain them, but we do nothing to recharge. So if you want to feel alert with your hubby:

1. Recharge Your Batteries Appropriately. You know the things that drain you: talking to certain people, housework, running around after kids, paid work, chauffeuring, scheduling, all the things that go into a normal life. These things aren't necessarily bad, but you need to figure out what also charges you.

Much of this is based on personality. Some people are real extraverts, and they won't be charged unless they get a lot of time to actually talk to people. If you need it, you don't have to feel ashamed of it. Just schedule in some time everyday to talk with a friend, or go out for coffee after dinner with her. If you're an introvert, and you need time alone, tell your husband this, and ask if he can do the bedtime routine so that you can have a bubble bath. (Tell him why you need the break and he may be more inclined to help!) In other words, be realistic about what you need.

2. Find Someone to Watch the Kids. Hopefully your husband will cooperate, especially when he realizes that he's getting something out of the deal! But if he won't, take the intiative to get some help. Find a teenager in your neighbourhood to watch the children for two hours after school a few times a week so you can get some time to yourself. Don't just use the time to do errands that won't replenish you; put a priority on doing what you need to do to feel awake. Or ask your mother or your sister to watch the children for a while. Find someone to be your ally!

3. Keep the Long Term in View. It's easier to spend time on yourself when you see the benefit in it. You know your marriage is important, but realistically how much time do you dedicate to nurturing it? Do you only pay attention to all the "things" you can do for your family, rather than just being there for your husband? He needs you, not just clean laundry. And when you feel connected to your husband, you also feel more energetic and more excited to get that housework done later!

4. Say No to Overcommitment. We all know this, but do we do it? What is making you too busy today? Is it your church? Your children's schedule? Your hobbies? Whatever it is that is causing you to stop thinking about your husband and start thinking about other things needs to stop. We all need downtime. Make sure you have some.

5. Practice the art of compartmentalization. Men are wonderful at keeping things in their place. They're not as distracted nearly as much as we are because they're not naturally trying to multi-task. We do. We multitask naturally, all the time. And believe me, sex is not a good time for multitasking! You should not be writing grocery lists in your head while you're being intimate. You should not be planning vacations while he's kissing you. When you're with your husband, practice being with him. Concentrate on what he's saying. Concentrate on how he feels. And above all, stop thinking! Sometimes we women have to force ourselves to concentrate on our bodies and not on our to-do lists, even when you're both getting frisky, because if we don't specifically turn off that voice in our heads, it's going to keep blaring at us that there are things that need to get done. Yes, there are. But you can't do anything about that now! Keep sending your mind back to your hubby, and your body will likely follow!

Here's the truth: often we think we're exhausted when the issue is we just have too much on our plate, and thus too much constantly going through our brains. Turn off the constant noise in your brain telling you to do more, and turn on that part of your brain telling you to slow down, and practice being in the moment. You'll find you're less tired, and much more in the mood than when you're always focusing on all the things you "should" be doing.

The biggest "should" in your life is about your marriage. You should be enjoying your husband. Are you? If not, learn to! Make it a priority. And turn everything else off!

Sheila Wray Gregoire is the author of four books, including Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight. She blogs at www.ToLoveHonorandVacuum.com, and you can find her on Facebook at http://facebook.com/sheila.gregoire.books .

“Love Gifts” for Our Men:Valentine’s Day (and Every Day)

by:Amy Hannold, 247Moms Frugal Living Editor

What do men want? Of all those on our gift lists, sometimes it’s the men who bewilder us the most. How can we be romantic and meaningful, without spending a whole lot of money?

Men want affirmation. Whether you’re a reader of “The Five Love Languages”, (http://www.5lovelanguages.com) by Dr. Gary Chapman or not – it’s pretty universal that love is best communicated by women to their men by showing appreciation for what they have done. When a man feels his woman is content and happy with him, that inspires him. Make an effort to choose his ideas over yours, validate his opinion, and compliment him – sometimes when he least expects you to. Take notice of what he does for you. Brag about him to others, especially while he’s within earshot.

Other love languages to utilize on Valentine’s Day (and every day) include:

Touch: Start with a hug, taking his hand while walking, or a simple pat on the back. Unexpected or timely touch every day is essential to maintaining bond and connection. Affection, intimate touch, and relieving touch (massage) are all important. At the end of a long day, as he leaves the house, or at the dinner table – show him and your children that he’s special to you.

Service: Take the garbage out for him. Detail his vehicle. Pack him a lunch for him, including some of his favorite foods. Prepare his favorite meals, perhaps one from his childhood. Bake a batch of cookies or muffins – enough for him and his golf buddies or co-workers. Surprise him with a note, special treat or photograph in his lunch box. Make him the envy of all the other men at work – he’s got someone thinking of him.

Gifts: Cards, candy and flowers are fine – but, take some time to research what he’s really into. Think about those little hobbies, interests, or desires he has. The more specific and thoughtful you are in choosing a small gift, the bigger the romantic impact. What has he been talking about lately? Show that you were listening.

Time: As with our kids, our men feel loved when we give them quality time. Take the time to put aside all other distractions and focus on him. You can combine love languages when you delight your man with a foot massage, accompanied by your listening ears. Let him do the talking. Ask open-ended questions. Reflect back to him what you are hearing and ask more questions. Over coffee, in the car, or on a sunset walk – show him that he’s so important to you that he’s the only one in the world, at that cherished moment.

Need some ideas?

Send a free Love Language E-Card:

http://www.fivelovecards.com/

“100 Things I Love About You” Box/Jar:

Write on special individual papers several things you love and appreciate about your man. Lovingly decorate the container. Once you’ve given the gift and he’s read them, keep the jar or box full all year long with other surprises.

“I Remember”, “I Appreciate”, or “I Love You Because” Book:

Using a small journal, photo book (brag-book size), or in a frame create a collage of memories and pictures. The idea here is to give him something he can reference when he needs encouragement. Leave a few pages of the book blank, and add some as the days go by.

Put Your Thoughts on Paper:

Write him a letter. Poetic, romantic or simply factual -- communicate what makes him special, what you’ve observed are his strengths and contributions to your family life (include his parenting efforts), and how what he has done over the years has been cherished.

Music Speaks For You:

Load his I-pod, vehicle cd-player, or while you’re enjoying a quiet night at home present him with a selection of songs just for him. Go back a few years to music significant while you were dating, wedding dance song, or today’s music which speak your mind.

Gifts He’ll Remember: Engraved frames, gift certificates for his favorite places/activities, coupons or tokens from you to him (breakfast in bed, guys’ night out, special dinner), favorite sports team tickets/memorabilia, his photo on the cover of a favorite magazine (photo places can do this), etc.

Go For It – You Can Create Memorable, Meaningful Gifts! Talk with your friends and family (or his friends) to come up with something unique. Make a lasting statement of your love – and keep the communication flowing all year long.

25 Ways To Love Your Man

1. Plan weekly date nights.

2. Daily date - be responsive to him, let him know you look forward to his coming home.

3. Clean up the bedroom, create a romantic atmosphere, music, candles, etc.

4. Send hubby fun emails/text messages.

5. Give romantic creative gifts.

6. Pick your battles, Ask- is it really worth it?

7. Designate a sex night or schedule intimacy.

8. Wear sexy underwear and let him know.

9. Plan early morning coffee dates ( even if it is at home prior to kids waking up)

10 Put money in the budget for a sex life, lingerie, bedroom attire, etc.-spice it up.

11. Take bubble bathes/shower together.

12. Have a late night bedroom picnic.

13. Exchange foot massages or a back rub with special lotion.

14. Clean your wedding ring or look through your wedding pictures.

15. Take care of yourself; exercise, go for a walk, take a dance class.

16. Approach your marriage 100% not 50/50.

17. Read good marriage books.

18. Stop dressing frumpy…dress up once in a while.

19. Let go of the small stuff (like his socks on the floor).

20. Think about sex.

21. Verbally encourage him.

22. Go to bed at the same time- early in the evening.

23. Turn off the TV or computer at night - spend time together instead.

24. Leave love notes in unexpected places. i.e. briefcase, office, desk, underwear drawer, wallet, etc.

25. You start the change!

Top 10 Marriage Books To Read In 2010

24/7 MOMS Top 10 reads for 2010 for creating intentional marriages.




# 1 - Turn Up the Heat: A Couples Guide to sexual intimacy by: Dr. Kevin Leman






# 2 - L.O.V.E Putting Your Love Styles To Work For You. by: Dr Les Parrott





# 3 - The Busy couples guide to sharing the work and the joy by Kathy Peel






# 4 - The 5 Love Languages: The Secret To Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman





# 5 - As Long as we both shall live by: Dr. Gary Smalley





# 6 - Have a New Husband by Friday . by Dr. Kevin Leman




# 7 - When Bad things happen to good marriages by Dr.'s Les and Leslie Parrott





#8 - The Power Of Prayer To Change Your Marriage. by Stormie Omartian




#9 - Crazy Good Sex : Putting to bed the myths men have about sex by Dr. Les Parrott





# 10 -Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas

Marriage 101 - Love Your Husband Every Day

by: Trisha Novotny
24/7 MOMS

After 23 years of marriage I can assure you that I have not always liked my husband every day of our 23 year journey. But, I can assure you that I have always loved him every day. And that is really what matters that our love never ceases or wonders.

Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb, It isn't something you get. It's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day - Barbara De Angelis

How do we strengthen our marriages and love our husbands every day?

Stop and think about all of the years you spent sitting in a classroom going to school to get your education. Did/ you even once have a class on how to do the Marriage thing? How to love your husband? how to survive the good times and the bad times? I sure didn't. So, unless you earned a degree in family and marriage counseling I'm guessing your like me un-educated in the marriage career.

How do we educate ourselves to understand what makes a marriage last, how do we equip our marriages to last?

1. Place priority on educating yourself on Marriage

2. Attend marriage conferences and seminars

3. Join a couples small group in your local church

4. Read Read Read .......every marriage book you can get your hands on.

How do you educate yourself to make your marriage last?

Savvy Date Nights

My husband Steve and I are strong believers in the importance of having a weekly date night. As moms and dads our lives become so kid focused that it is easy to put our marriages on the back burner. To help keep your marriage on the front burner and adventurous begin a weekly date night. There is no need for it to cost a fortune just time together is the purpose. So, whether you take a walk, go eat dessert or have a romantic dinner in a fancy restaurant the goal is to spend time together.

Here is a Fun list of Savvy date night ideas to get you started on your weekly date nights.

From : The Little Book of Great Dates & The Little Book of Great Dates for Mates

Michael & Tiffany Ross

Meet for Early Morning Breakfast

Set your alarms and go to the park, the steps of a local museum, or a lake. Bring warm drinks and pastry, fruit or breakfast burritos. Enjoy time together before heading off to a full day. Surprise your date with a small gift.

Rent a Paddleboat

Put a new spin on a day at the park by renting a paddleboat. Enjoy the scenery as you slowly float around the lake.

Try a New Restaurant

Expand your horizons beyond the same old restaurant. Venture out of your comfort zone and try that new one across town.

Throw a Valentines Day Card Celebration

Fill a room with hundreds of kids valentines. Add as a creative centerpiece, a bouquet of heart-shaped, helium balloons with a love note attached.

We All Scream for Ice Cream

Frozen, flavored, mixed, creamy, soft-serve, or homemade, ice cream is one of life’s perks. Add a little ambiance by sharing your favorite frozen concoction at an old-fashioned soda shop. Play some tunes on the jukebox and try to avoid brain freeze.

Host a Movie Marathon

If you enjoy watching a good film, then why stop at one? Show up for the early matinee and stay for two, three, or four – back-to-back.

Take a Cooking Class

Seasoned chefs and beginners alike can benefit from a good cooking class. Add a twist by selecting one for a specific type of food. Step out of your comfort zone and attempt to make a soufflé, chocolate mousse, or even fried green tomatoes.

Linger in a Coffeehouse

Most towns have a plethora of coffeehouses to choose from. They’re often fun and relaxing whether it’s your favorite joint or the new place around the corner.

Take a Country Drive

A country road offers many experiences as the seasons change. Look for spring blooms, summer flowers, autumn colors, or winter snow.

Read a Short Story Together

When the weather seems to turn against you, stay inside and curl up with a good story. Take turns reading your way through a favorite short tale.

Enjoy Some Major Fun at a Minor League Game

Baseball can be exciting at any level. But it’s great to watch minor league players battle it out for a spot in the majors. And the roasted peanuts are a must.

Play Putt-Putt

It’s amazing how much fun it is to putt brightly colored golf balls around on artificial grass. Test your skills as you navigate windmills, streams, elephants, and any other obstacle that stands in your way.

Play Laser Tag

Strap on some laser tag gear and go commando. You’ll find your competitive side as you run, hide, crawl and shoot at anything that moves.

Go Bowling

Alleys are easy to find and relatively inexpensive!

Pick Blueberries

Most regions in the United States produce blueberries. Farms, vineyards, and orchards open their doors to the public during the late summer. For a small fee, you can pick and enjoy berries fresh off the bush.

Go to a Farmers’ Market

Get on the organic kick and support local farmers by shopping at the farmers’ market. You just might find out how a real tomato tastes.

Hit the Trail

From Acadia to Yosemite, the United States is filled with breathtaking places to hike. Trails weave through canyons and mountains and below waterfalls. Each step inspires romance.

Splat! Play a Game of Paintball

Air-gun competition, Survival Game, Total Elimination, Capture the Flag – paintball. Regardless of what it’s called, and despite its use of semiautomatic paint shooters, most paintball enthusiasts insist that this game is all about fun, not violence. Hey, how can 10 million players be wrong? Join the craze and learn how your date reacts under pressure.

Take a Culinary Excursion

Nothing beats a five-course meal at a five-start establishment. Regardless of where you dine, choose a restaurant that tops the scale when it comes to charm, views, environment, service and fine food.

Take a Stroll Down Broadway: Treat Yourselves to Live Theater

Drama, comedy, musical, ballet, opera: Live theater offers a wealth of possibilities for a priceless experience.

Make a Bookstore Date

Spend time at a bookstore, and choose devotional guides for each other. Then linger over tea or coffee, sharing and entry.

Hide a Dozen Love Notes

Place a dozen love notes throughout your bedroom. The last one should be the biggest and brightest. The message will instruct your date to meet you for a very special date.

Host a Cookout

Pull out the badminton net, volleyball, and horseshoes. Ask every couple to bring a dish, then fire up the grill.

Beat the Boredom Blahs with Board Games

Dig out those party games and have a party. It may seem old-fashioned, but there’s a reason they’ve been around for so long. They’re fun!

Long Distance Dates: IM and a DVD

It’s not as personal as sitting next to your date in a movie theater, but this idea is the next best thing. It’s also a great way to melt away those miles that separate you.

What is your favorite Date Night with your husband?

TIP Talk- 25 Ways to Sizzle Up Your Marriage

This weeks TIP TALK on 24/7 MOMS Live web cast, we shared 25 tips to Sizzle Up Your Marriage.

1. Plan weekly date nights.

2. Daily date - be responsive to him, let him know you look forward to his coming home.

3. Clean up the bedroom, create a romantic atmosphere, music, candles, etc.

4. Send hubby fun emails/text messages.

5. Give romantic creative gifts.

6. Pick your battles, Ask- is it really worth it?

7. Designate a sex night or schedule intimacy.

8. Wear sexy underwear and let him know.

9. Consider fighting naked.

10 Put money in the budget for a sex life, lingerie, bedroom attire, etc.-spice it up.

11. Take bubble bathes/shower together.

12. Have a late night bedroom picnic.

13. Exchange foot massages or a back rub with special lotion.

14. Clean your wedding ring or look through your wedding pictures.

15. Take care of yourself; exercise, go for a walk, take a dance class.

16. Approach your marriage 100% not 50/50.

17. Read good marriage books. " Sheet Music" - " Sex Begins in The Kitchen".

18. Stop dressing frumpy…dress up once in a while.

19. Let go of the small stuff (like his socks on the floor).

20. Think about sex.

21. Verbally encourage him.

22. Go to bed at the same time- early in the evening.

23. Turn off the TV or computer at night - spend time together instead.

24. Leave love notes in unexpected places. i.e. briefcase, office, desk, underwear drawer, wallet, etc.

25. You start the change!

How do you SIZZLE up your Marriage?